Episode 118: i'd rather not hang it on my big white wall

and to think about it. a piece of art is best to be kept in museum. a place where it will be treated with dignity. it will be cared. it will be protected, perhaps restored if damaged. but as for myself, realistically speaking, i dont think i will be much of a help for the maintainence. although i am very passionate about art, but as far as the passion goes, i dont have the time, the tools, the money, and the reputation to maintain a piece of art.
but dont get me wrong, i would so love to hang one at home. and when i feel happy, i look at it. when i feel like shit, i look at it. when i feel anxious, i look at it. i could frame it, wood, gold, silver, bronze, aluminum, any material that you can name. i can stay up all night and talk story to it, although that might be the case of insanity, but at least it's under my possession, there's a sense of loyalty, a sense of specialty. it's like, out of billion pieces of artwork, you picked that special piece. and no matter how you look at it, it wont change, your feelings wont change. it's like day one, it never gets old.
but i dont have the energy, the resource, the time to keep up with it. sure the first few month is great. you get to look at it everyday. but you gotta make room for the upkeep. what if i dropped it? do i have the tool to repair it? am i skillful enough to perform a restoration on it? and it's probably boring to stay in one frame. i can afford wooden frames, but what about gold frames? silver frames? or other metalic frames? i dont even know if i can handle buying multiple wooden frames for the exchange. so behind all those great feelings about owning a piece of art, comes the real issues. the problems that seem non-important at first, but gradually escalate into a bigger flame.
so my best bet, is to let others take care of it. and i surely hope that they can do a much better than me at maintainence. there're things that i couldnt provide that others could. it's sad that, in my hands i couldnt give it a golden frame, but perhaps in the hands of others it will recieve a better treatment. though i no longer feel the specialty, but at least i know it's in good hands.

so at the end of the day, on the flat white wall, the tightly screwed nail hangs no art. sometimes you look at it, you'd love to believe it's there, but it's not. so you begin to imagine how would it feel like if there is one. you cant quite get the feeling right, well, because it's in your head. you dont own a piece of art. you'd love to think that you hang one on your wall, but you dont. it's that mysterious feeling that gets you. you always wonder, would a piece of art deliver more palettes to my pale empty wall? or would the emptyness of the wall affect the composition? too busy? too plain? you cant answer it correctly, becuase there isnt one to be looked upon.

so you stand back, and give it a big salute.

Episode 117: take your gradeschool shit somewhere else

i was working today and one of my instructor came before me.
so i waved at her and said "hi", she did the same, and she approached me.
"how are you today?" i asked
"im fine, just fine"
"that's cool"
"last night i got back in the room after you guys left i found out that someone drew a picture of me with horns and pitchfork. and says thanks for ruining my life."
it hit me like a brick, matter of fact, i knew who did it, but i didnt want to say anything, right now it's really not a good time to get involved with anything, gut instinct tells me.
"what.. is that some kind of joke?"
"i dont know, but i think the picture was funny"
"ugh.. who would do that" i dont mean to lie to her, but i dont want to give too much comment on it either
"who knows, but it's funny" she smiled and walked away from the frontdesk. but i knew it wasnt the true emotion deep down. i think she's pretty upset. matter of fact, im upset. why?
because people are literally KIDS, immature, candy-wanting KIDS. seriously, this is middleschool shit, why the fuck are you taking it to college? ruining your life? has anyone mentioned to you that IT'S YOUR CHOICE TO GO TO SCHOOL?
i really feel sorry for my instructor. she tries hard, she worked hard, just not as good as other instructors because she's new to teaching. but still, people talk shit behind her, people dont respect her, and pull these gradeschool-prank-shit on her. if this is to happen in china, you're long dead. respect doesnt come from beating others into submission. my instructor probably has more experience working in the industry than any of those mother fuckers, i just dont understand why someone who's willing to take so much shit and do unimaginable things still has the heart to stand in front of us and teach. come on, can you even sleep well after doing that?

i have to admit that i was a little bit biased when it comes to ranking instructors in my school. it's sad to say that she didnt make it into my list of excellent instructors. but i still respect her, because she's knows a lot more than i do, she just cant express it as well as other instructors.

now, down the road, will i tell her who did the drawing?
really if you look at it, it's just little stuff, i dont want to get involved in anything, so i probably wont
am i worried that she now suspects of me, and have skewed her attitude toward me?
passed on by generations, here's one of my favorite family quotes translated:

"peopel can have their witch hunt all they want, if you didnt do it, you didnt do it."

as for that person who drew that picture.
i sincerely hope that your life's not in turmoil currently as described.

Episode 115: put on some make up! uh uh!

so where were we last time, oh, right
so why do i think spinning objects are beautiful
now artistically speaking, there're 3 types of lines, 1. horizontal+vertical, 2. diagonal 3. curves. horizontal and vertical lines give a sense of tranquility and stableness, this is taught in principal of visual communication 1st year, it's like math 101. diagonal lines evoke motions, they are moving on the page, they give a sense of direction and action, it's lively. then lastly, curves are the most beautiful lines in nature. (hence, women.. ahem) the roman artists love to use straight and angular lines to portrait the hardness of male structure, curvy lines and beautiful colors to give the impression of kind, gentle, and lovely female figures.
now scientifically speaking, everything in this universe are spinning. it may seem like it's still, but it's actually spinning. why? because we are all made by atoms, the building block of matters. and inside an atom, comes the electron and nucleus. now i personally am not too sure if the nucleus spins too, but im certain that electrons spins around the nucleus. though, if atom itself spins, then it would help justify my next statement:
we all spin in a same direction
why? because we're made out of the stars! if an object is a byproduct of another object, it must follow its parents' pattern of rotation!

you cant resist spinning things, especially when they spin in a curved line, that's why it's so dang pretty to see dances and a curved ball. now if we put the spin into actions, and break out from dances and into martial art, that shit's bruce lee quality, too cool for words. spinning objects are everywhere in nature, it's everything.

not gonna put a thank-you-babe banner in this one, mainly because i dont have any other recommendations, though, i smell one coming up soon.
but then again, how pathetic can you be when you are sitting in front of your computer making thank-you-babe banners for your blog? i dont know, got a kick out of it. like i said, keep it to the roots yo, proud man bitch!

though, to be real, a friend of mine told me hot babes are really bad in bed. instead of really enjoying the action, they're too busy taking care of their hair, posing in front of you and yadeeyadah.
so really, is it just about enjoying a snapshot of them in pretty clothings and with a thick layer of makeups?
son... i have no answer to that one, but it's probably true

a grim day for the all of us.

back in high school i had a chemistry teacher who wears a lot of makeup to work. her face is so pale that it's creating a contrast against her neckline. so we often joked, if we shoot a bullet at her face, would the makeup coushion the impact and save her life?

now that shit's gold.

Episode 114: get ready to be misinformed!

the 1 and a half year's reign of bad damaged hair has finally been put to an end. as much as i dont want to, but it's dragging too long and the new healthy hair is doing much better. so i cut off the bad part, and now, able to spike my hair like wild grass again.
basically i grabbed a small strand of my hair, try to feel the part that's smooth and healthy, and the part that's rugged and jaggy, cut it off with my scissor.
it's the worst haircut ever, but hopefully nobody will notice when it's all spiked. as for when it grows long to a point when i cant spike it anymore... i guess i will make friend with a hat until it's back to its original length.
as for now, hopefully i wont do something stupid to my hair again. though, dont get me wrong, changing hair color is still a fun thing to do, but until we find a safe way to do it (i suggest gene modification), i think im good staying with black. afterall, recoloring is too much pain, and having natural black hair makes those gothic and emo white kids jealous, gotcha bitch.

there's been times that i cross the street and see an empty can sitting in the traffic, in my mind i wanted to see it get crushed by the flowing traffic. though it happens rarely. so, i guess it's time to figure it out mathematically of "what's the chance of an average car crushing a can on the street"?

now if we take an average car width and length, say, 6 ft x 13 ft, and let's not forget the average tire width and length too, say, 0.7 ft x 1 ft. so the next step would be solving the area of the car's ground coverage... 6 x 13 = 78 sq ft. and now we do the same for the tire. why? because the tire's rotation can be seen as a big rectangle moving along with the car, although it only crushes a can on 1 point, but other points on the tire can still be mark as "an incoming oppurtunity" to crush the can. 0.7 x 1 x 4 (there're 4 tires, remember) = 2.8 sq ft.
now it's just simple percentage calculation, use 2.8 divided by 78... and the answer? 0.0358974.... so which means, it's only 3.58974% of chance
what does it mean? whenever there's a car heading toward an empty can on the street, there's only 3.5% of chance that either of the wheels will crush the can or come close to hit the can. pretty slim isnt it? though this isnt the definitely answer, because this is just a quick estimate, one way to point out the flaw of this answer is that, if there're 4 tires in a car, what if all 4 tires are lined up together in a straight line? then the percentage of any tires hitting a can would definitely increase. now if we look at the placement of wheels, the front wheel and the back wheel overlaps each other, which means, if the front wheel cannot hit the can, then the back wheel cant hit it either. so that means....
divide 3.5% by 2? sounds like it i think. 1.75%? is that the final answer?
anyhow, this is probably wrong to the bones, but just something to put down for stupid read. if we look at this realistically:
the chances of a car crushing an empty can on a road is pretty slim, i doubt it's really just 1.75%. but if we comprae the size of the car and the size of the tire, it's definitely reasonable to conclude that the percentage would be lower than 50%.
so is that why i dont always see a car crushing a can on the street? probably.
if you think otherwise, or have gathered some accurate information about the car's dimension and tire's measurement, let me know, hopefully i wont be charged for "wronging the public".

i know what you're about to say.
woot i win!

Episode 113: a big big thank you, lolita fashion!

now, i have a strict policy about posting shits from youtube.com. i dont hate it, matter of fact, i love it because it's my TV. since i dont have a TV, so i watch youtube for entertainment. (i also listen to podcasts too, you should all go check out some of the stuffs up there, you dont need itunes or an ipod to be able to listen to podcasts, yahoo.com has a good directory for all the podcasts!)
the reason why i dont like to link youtube on my page is because it's so fucking big. the design of the page would be ruined if i link a video on it. but since this is my blog, and the following video met my expectations, i am going to link one this time.
what are my expectations?
1. a woman with long red hair
2. cuddly looking doll
3. at least a british flag, or perhaps some british influences
4. nice jewery and dress
5. feminine is a must
6. nice eyes and juicy lips
7. upbeat songs
though there are more but if i continue writing my expectations then sooner or later i will just be describing the video im about to link
so without furthur adieu, here's it is!
hope you enjoyed it, to be honest, i usually dont like dolls. mainly because ive seen a lot of pictures of those life-like dolls with huge ass eyes that will stare into your soul (if you think im kidding, go find one yourself). but then, i cannot resist the beauty that is Nana Kitade. and because of that, i made her a thank you banner (just like i did for sasha cohen)

i dont know if there're any women reading this blog, but i guess by now you all are pretty offended, sorry if it did but i did what i am supposed to do, what i was compelled to do, what i felt was sweet, but hey, if you wanna suprise your boyfriend or whatever, dress like this one day and wait for him to come back from work/school/whatever, let's see their reaction.

now this blog's pathetic level is probably at:
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rating will probably drop from:
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to:
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but hey, school's been pretty busy and stressful, it's just ways to take off that stress, i mean, yes, all the left hand thing isnt working out anymore...
and next time, we will look into "why i think spinning objects are beautiful", perhaps there're more babe-thank-you banners, perhaps...

Episode 112: it's real, bitch!

just finished "listening" to the da vinci code by Dan Brown, you heard me, listening. a while back i got my hands on the audio book, i really loved it. im not your everyday reader, matter of fact i get bored easily flipping pages (weird because i much prefer hearing or reading on the computer screen, though the latter would still bore me).
if you want to read the book, but dont like to do actual reading, and want to read it before the movie comes out (http://sodarktheconofman.com for more information), pick up the audio book for The Da Vinci Code, it's worth your time. good narration, excellent voice acting by the reader (it's only 1 guy reading it the whole time, you'll be amazed). i am definitely going to listen to the whole book again for any missing plots and questions.

on the other hand, i would love to give my salute to....

Sasha Cohen!
thank you for making us men feel honored to be able to drool over your precious and lovely figure.

i cannot hide it, day by day i grow more and more obsessive with her (ok, obsessive may not be the right word), and come on, she's just, wonderful. lots of respect for this very talented and pretty figure skating champ, won a silver in the olympic, made us all proud!

sometimes i wonder what's her expectation, then again, right when my train of thought reaches the station, the angel and the devil on my shoulders boarded the train with me.

"if you try your best and strive to be an excellent person, maybe it's not so much of a distant dream afterall" the angel sang
"face it, she out of your league, save yourself some tears and stay in that filthy pit where you belong" the devil laughed

my own desire favors the angel's saying, afterall, there has to be a dream that men would follow, then again, the harsh reality seems to have casted its vote on the devil.
then again, the question: what is reality struck me.
the world that i know of, the world that i call reality, is reality. (well, duh) but if, one day, i meet a person who thinks the earth is flat, and before i convince him that the world is round, i cannot denine that the flattened earth isnt a reality. but that reality is just not within my own vision. afterall, that person believed it to be real before he met me.

so really, did the devil really spoke of the reality? the TRUE TRUE reality? what about the angel? there seem to be two realities now im dealing with. and the two of them both exist in the reality of me considering their existence. now, realizing im probably all mixed up in amist of all these stupid crap, i dont know what's real anymore.

about half a year ago i was so solid, so convinced, so sure that reality is what we can see, what we can hear, what we can grasp in our hands, what we can taste, and what we can, generally, 'feel'. but then, 6 monthes later, i dont know what's real anymore.
news can be fabricated, people can lie, numbers dont always come out right, feelings, and ESPECIALLY feelings, are certainly inaccurate.
then really, we choose to believe what's real and what isnt.

the person whom i met, believed in the past that earth is flat. there's no definite answer straight from heaven, from the gods above all clouds telling him that the earth is definitely flat. but it's his choice to believe that the earth is flat. then again it's his choice to believe in my words that the earth is round, my explainations to him was only presenting evidences that support my statement of the earth's shape. the evidences too, arent exactly straight from gods, or is agreed upon throughout the entire universe.
i think, the earth may be flat... just kidding

if it's the matter of how far are you willing to go, how faithful are you in believing something even though it's "wrong" in the eyes of others, then i can tell you my answer in a heartbeat.

i choose the angel.
why? dont ask me, i dont think i can answer it at this moment.

Episode 111: kid, you're far from it.

so the result is out. i dont know if this is official, but i take it as it is considering that ive not yet been informed.
i did not qualify to showcase my artwork for the student gallery show. the show's on thursday, it's tuesday, so far no information. i guess it's safe to say that i have been disqualified.
the only regret i have, is not submitting great artworks that possess showcase qualities. (quite obvious)
now i dont know about you guys, but to a degree, art is subjective. after this, i have to say my view on art has changed. not that i become the "bitter poor artist", but i'd rather be a more optimistic and accepting person.
when you are presenting your art, it may be all bad-ass, butt-kicking, chuck norris, and all that goodness, but that's in your head. we may think that "oh yea, i totally went there, ive done it, it's the greatest." but as soon as the rejection stamp prints a big "rejected" on your work, you begin to pick out the mistakes you made.
too flat, no perspective, poor line quality, horrible composition, and one by one you begin to pick them out. so really, there're two options.
1. be a dumbass and ignore all the errors, still think you've done well
2. admit there's a problem, correct it, try again next time

i think that's how it goes. you cant ignore the problems forever, afterall, if it's a problem, it will continue to cause trouble until you correct it.
and that's when i realize, i need to work harder.
there's always next time. another time, for better works. in a way, after seeing all the flaws in my art i was kinda relieved because they wont display them. imagine, it's gonna be a disgrace to the school. really, an art school's worst nightmare is to gain negative criticism from the poor quality of art its student is producing.
"i cant believe the artist goes here for school"
"man, horrible"
"i guess this school is not teaching right afterall"
well, something like that, perhaps worst.
perhaps, if i work hard this year, next year, i might be able to submit something better than this year's.
though a good friend of mine was accepted, and he worked hard to earn it.
take a step back, man, im far from being where i thought i was.

on the other hand, i've been downsized? well im not sure but it seems so. my work schedule's changed to all night shift. night shift only handles loaning equipments out for students and making photo copies. what night shift doesnt handle is color print requests, which involves with accepting cash, processing request forms and customer services.
does that mean i have poor customer service?
probably. i cant use "im new to work" as an excuse now. but looking back, i kinda do lack the customer service experience and there's been times that i pissed off my customers because i didnt know what the fuck to do. so i guess the whole downsizing is about taking away the exposure to customer service for me. no more screw ups, no more bad services, stick to the basic of doing photocopies and loaning equipments. in a way i feel bad about not doing my job right, and not meeting the standard.
worst comes to worst, i might switch as a lab monitor. or take away some of my desk shift and take some monitoring shifts.
i guess my vision of being the best employee got a bit blurry, though, i am still aiming for that shit.

whoever said making it big is ever easy? but that doesnt mean you should quit what you're doing when you encouter a problem. as for now, all thoughts on finding a solution.

the days get pretty tough, suck it up.